21 5 / 2012
A powerpoint slideshow on why you should let me touch your butt…
(Source: mind-set-at-ease, via doom-dragon)
Permalink 14,270 notes
19 5 / 2012
These eight are at a brew pub. They are playing Magic: The Gathering. One brought a quart of milk. None have ever seen a vagina in person.
18 5 / 2012
This One Goes Out to Ryan…
A few hours ago, I received an email from Ryan Zimmermann. At first, I was thinking… shit, the oft-injured third baseman of the Washington Nationals read Memoirs of a Serial Bachelor. Not quite. Actually, it wasn’t the same guy who received a six-year $100 million contract extension three months ago. It was someone much more important and underpaid. Mr. Zimmermann is an air traffic controller deployed in Afghanistan.
It has been a while since I have received fan mail. The mere fact that I occasionally receive this type of mail is ridiculous. I am not implying any sort of negative connotation, I just can’t grasp that I receive such wonderful praise from people I have never met. While I may be entirely full of myself and/or shit at any given moment, fan mail shakes me to the core.
Ryan borrowed a copy of the book from an fellow serviceman, loyal fan, and acquaintance who is also stationed in Afghanistan. This passing around of my material not only makes me proud, but makes me feel beside myself. Outside of electronic companionship, I don’t really know what I can give Ryan besides my own appreciation and promises to get him proper drunk shall we ever cross paths. So, I am going to try anyway:
Ryan, stay safe. Godspeed. Thank you for your service. You are doing something much more important than I ever could. You’ve humbled me in a manner which I am sure my fiancée only wishes she could. I’m a gigantic pain in the ass and I have an infinite amount of respect for your time and efforts.
09 5 / 2012
Chick-fil-A
Window Jockey: “Thank you for your patronage today. Have you heard of our Chick-fil-A Leadercast?”
JB: “Yeah. Isn’t that the thing with Tim Tebow… an objective to promote positive leadership.”
Window Jockey: “Yes. The goal is to articulate and demonstrate the power of change through positive leadership.”
JB: “Cool. How many homosexual speakers did you guys line up?”
Window Jockey: “None. That’s not our agenda.”
JB: “What is your agenda? What are you aiming at changing?”
WIndow Jockey: “Umm…”
JB: “…anti-human rights? Maybe you guys can harness your positivity and give that a shot?”
Window Jockey: “Well…”
JB: “Positive leadership means vaginal leadership. Right?”
Window Jockey: “So that’s a #4, extra pepper jack, extra pickles?”
JB: “Yes. You don’t sound so positive… <looks at name tag> …Tim.”
Window Jockey: <hands sammich over> “Have a wonderful day.”
JB: “That’s more like it, Tim. Smile. Chins up, buddy.”
09 5 / 2012
Sweet…
Polybius is an urban legend about a rare arcade game released in 1981. The game was created by a mysterious company called Sinneslöschen (German for “Sense Deletion”) and was a puzzle/shoot-‘em-up somewhat like Tempest. It was only released in a few suburbs of Portland, Oregon. It was supposedly very popular, with people forming long lines to play it. However, players reported strange things about the game, such as hearing a woman crying and seeing grotesque faces out of the corner of their eyes. Players would also have nightmares or even develop amnesia. Some even committed suicide. Others stopped playing video games altogether and at least one became an anti-video game activist.
According to one owner of an arcade, men wearing black suits would often come to collect “records” from the game. They did not take any money, simply data on gameplay. Because of this, the leading theory is that it was some sort of government experiment using subliminal messages. The game remains in obscurity as around one month after its release, all of the cabinets suddenly disappeared. One cabinet reappeared in an arcade 1998, but quickly disappeared again. While some have tried to recreate the game, no one has ever found the original ROM.
(via ellerichie)
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20 4 / 2012
Rant
You know what I find highly annoying? Emails from people with this shit at the bottom, in the signature:
Sent from my mobile device. Please excuse typos.
Or
Please forgive any typos or punctuation mistakes.
I’m really tired of excuses for laziness, stupidity, or a lack of attention to detail. Sending a message like this to a client, or a potential client, says something grossly negative about the work you do.
13 4 / 2012
Petrino could have received $18m if he had appealed his termination. Either the pussy was that good or he didn’t want to split the money with his soon-to-be ex-wife. Regardless, he’s an idiot.
